Eating IN: Chess Pie

Published September 20, 2016 by microncat

Well, it finally happened.  I suspect the Devil is dancing in snow boots about now, or possibly practicing his triple Lutz moves, wearing spangled scarlet Spandex.  I made a pie crust.  From.  Scratch.

Yes, you read that right.  And that sound you hear?  That’s just my mom, rolling in her grave, because she quit making pie crust when Pillsbury started selling them rolled up in the refrigerator case.  I made a pie crust from scratch.

I hear you thinking, “WTF?!?”  Well, I’m out of Pet Ritz, and the Pillsbury is still rolled up in the outside freezer.  I haven’t been having much luck with them, anyway – when you thaw them out, the exterior gets sticky, and the inside stays stiff.  They’re a bitch to unroll and get in the pan, and then you have to spend time patching the cracks.  Bleh.  Ain’t nobody got time for all that!

I’m blaming this pie crust on Steve Cozart.  A couple of days ago, he posted this video recipe for https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FNBC12News%2Fvideos%2F1300207693323662%2F&show_text=0&width=560” target=”_blank”>Chocolate Chess Pie.  It looked easy, and I’ve never made that before, and hey, CHOCOLATE.  I’m there!  So I laid out all the ingredients last night, but forgot to take a pie crust out of the freezer.  Doh!  Gotta make a pie crust, ‘cuz they take too long to thaw.

Of course, I went directly to Mom’s famous Orange Cookbook to find her pastry crust recipe.  In our house, when I was a kid, “Go get me the orange cookbook.” was probably the directive heard most often.  Damn near everything we ate came from the brown, splattered pages of that cookbook, which, by the time she died, had nearly fallen apart.  Years ago, I put the spine back on with duct tape, just so we wouldn’t have to put a different cover on it, but even the duct tape has just about given up. The cookbook is now mine, but until it literally falls apart in my hands, it will stay orange (and silver).

Well, I found the recipe, and read it through.  Flour.  Lard.  Salt.  Ice water.  And then something insane:  “Makes 4 or 5 double piecrusts.”  Um…do what?  Dude, just, no.  So, back to the internet.  I looked at Paula Deen’s recipe, and she had me until I saw, “3 tablespoons sugar” in the ingredient list.  Nope.  Pie crust should be just a bit salty, not sweet.  Keep looking.  Here’s what I ended up with:  Perfect Pie Crust.  I think I may have rolled it too thin, but we’ll see how it comes out; it’s still in the oven!

Edit:  Three Stages of Pie:  Fresh from the oven, Pie after cooling, and Pie sliced (plate by Elizabeth Priddy).

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